365 Project Day 262: Finding the Lines

Canon 5D Mark ll, 50 1.2L, 1.8 aperture, 1/4000 shutter 100 ISO

Sometimes I do not notice until I am barely breathing, the suffocation of the doing stealing my very life away. I have failed again to draw the lines, to create boundaries that keep me safe and sane. My heart often leads the way, pushing aside reason and the advice of friends. “Slow down. You can’t do everything. You don’t have to do everything.”  Maybe it is pride or stubbornness. Maybe I secretly believe I can. Or, maybe it is religion (and not relationship with God) that causes me to believe I should. Ah, now I have hit the mark. Should. That nasty little word that worms its way into my thinking and beliefs. Should is a slave driver, a bully. It pushes and shoves soft spirits into obedience using the weapons of guilt and shame. There is no end to its exacting torment if I allow it to thrive. ” I should do this, even if I am tired.” I really should…” and on it goes.

That is where the lines come in.

Those liberating lines. They are the lines that appear when I find my “no”. There is something incredibly freeing in finding out what is truly good and best for me and declaring that for myself. I draw these lines when I say I can do this much and no more. The rest is up to whomever is doing the asking, even if it is me. (I find I am the one who is asking the most of myself a lot of the time.) I can love others more readily, with much more freedom, if I am honoring and caring for myself. On the other hand, if I am allowing myself to be stretched, busied into a frenzy, and pulled into utter exhaustion, I am of little value to anyone.

I often tell people that along with the Bible, the book Boundaries by Henry Cloud and John Townsend, has been of one of the most influential books for me. In reading that book, I finally understood why I felt like a slave in my own life. I do not have it licked by any means, but with God’s help I will continue to learn to draw lines in love for myself and others. Everyone wins when the lines are drawn in truth and love.

I am picking up my chalk again and marking out some space  in which to breathe again. I need to laugh, have dates and romance with my husband, exercise, eat well, spend time with my creator God and hear his words of love and wisdom. I need to say yes to what I can and no to what I feel I cannot. I need time to not be busy if the neighbors want to come over and visit, or if a friend wants to rock away the morning on my front porch with me. To ride my horses and play with my dogs, chat with my children on the phone, and write letters to people I love. And yes, I need to work, to feel productive with my art, knowing it is okay to earn money and be compensated for my labor. These are all boundaries that will keep me safe and happy.

This is learning to live inside the lines.

Psalm 16:5,6 ~ “LORD, you alone are my portion and my cup; you make my lot secure. The boundary lines have fallen for me in pleasant places; surely I have a delightful inheritance.”