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Its been kind of quiet on my blog lately, I know. When I declared 2015 as the year of yes for myself, I had no idea what I was up against. It seems there has been a resounding “no” brewing in my spirit for two months now. Fear, discouragement and illness have hovered over me consistently these last couple months. Often when I do not know what to do, I don’t do anything at all- thus the silence here.

Here’s the thing.  Neither my yes or my no are part of my circumstances. I know this to be true. Fear cannot hold me back from agreeing to do whatever my Father asks me to do. But it can shut me down if I let it. This is where I have been existing. I believe wholeheartedly that the enemy of my soul heard me declare the year of yes and set out to steal all my yeses away.

But he cannot have them. He cannot. All of my yeses belong to God. I just have to hand them over one by one.

So the flowers- they teach me again. It’s been a long time since I wept over flowers, but I did today. There they were on my kitchen table, open, falling over themselves windswept and wild in their vulnerability. It seems all they desire is to open themselves to the sun, to be literally undone in worship. They become brilliant bowls of light as they are filled with the sun’s glory. Even in death, they are more beautiful than they ever could have been if they had never opened.

And I weep.

I say it to the women in the marriage class that Chris and I teach: a husband doesn’t desire perfection; he desires willingness.  And so it is with God. We feel we have to be just right before we can offer ourselves to God, but he cares little about our works. He cares about our openness to him. He wants our yes. That he can work with.

 

I study the tulips again. What if I were this unashamed in my worship? What if stopped guarding myself so closely and just said yes? I blush a little at the sight of them, so unabashedly open. Do they know their inner places are showing? It doesn’t seem to matter. I feel the Father smiling not only because they are beautiful, but because I stopped to notice them.

I weep again, and feel my petals loosening oh so slightly.

Yes.

James 1:17~ “Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows.”