Missing Annie

I took these images of my Annie the week she left to attend Georgetown University. I was weepy the whole week and she was indulging me. “Let’s do whatever you can dream up” she responded when I asked what kind of shoot she wanted to do. I have always wanted to do an Audrey Hepburn shoot. This is the result of our time together that day.

How can you be so happy for someone and so sad to let them go all at the same time? I was truly divided as I watched her car go, getting smaller and smaller on our long driveway. I even texted her an hour later and told her I had changed my mind, that she couldn’t leave after all. She jokingly replied, “okay, turning the car around right now.” I laughed and then I cried again. This is motherhood — pushing them out of the nest, teaching them to fly and then hovering around them as practice taking off and landing over and over again. It is indeed like having your heart walk around outside your body.

This girl. This firecracker of a girl, she has to fly. Holding her back would lead to much unhappiness for all involved. I tease her that she was born with her hands on her hips, giving the nurses orders. She knows her mind and she always has. We have had our battles, that’s for sure. Home schooling this child was a daunting task. Those hands stayed on those hips for years to come. And although we tangled quite a bit over the years, I would not trade one day of it. I would do it all again, struggles and all, and have no regrets about our time together. We became the sand in each other’s shell as God made pearls of us both. I am who I am because of who my children are.

When Annie graduated from Oglethorpe University, she told her daddy she wanted to go to grad school and he asked her where the money was going to come from. She laughed and said not to worry, that she would get a full scholarship. I’m not sure he believed her but that’s exactly what she did. She is attending Georgetown with a full scholarship, including a stipend for living expenses.

Who does that? Annie does. I am so proud of her. She has grown into such a genuine, loving and beautiful young woman. Yes, she still sets those hands firmly on her hips every now and then but it’s usually when she is fighting for someone she loves. She has learned the art of finding strength in her vulnerability. Only God can teach those lessons and there is nothing more a mother could want than for her children to know and serve God. Annie does.

Annie is like sunshine. It is a nickname we share. Therefore when she is gone, the brilliance of life fades a bit. I miss her. I told a friend the other day that the grocery store is the hardest place to go when your kids are gone. I think about all of my babies as I walk the aisles. Every food group presents new challenges. We mothers love to bring home special food items for our kids and to cook for our families. It also doesn’t help that they play nostalgic songs in the produce section. What is that about? Many times, and I am not exaggerating, I have cried looking at cabbage and tomatoes. Annie is especially a joy to shop for. She loves good healthy food and always notices when I buy something just for her. I miss that.

For now I have these images and the sweet texts I receive from her almost daily. She will always be my Annie.

Love you, Bugaboo. You shine.

Hugs from afar,

Mama