Garments of Praise

This is my Annie. We were shooting for a perfume company in California. We thought we nailed it.

So much to tell here. So much to leave out. All I can say is that I have been on a journey, and  I am still gleaning treasures from the shore. The photos you see of my beautiful daughter below are among them.  She is a shining star.

It seems there was a lot at stake, but I didn’t know it until the client was not happy with our shoot. My heart, my ego, and my identity were on the line. Not in reality of course, but it truly felt this way, like it could break me somehow. I did break, or at least my heart did.  It was like that moment in a movie or  novel when the protagonist is completely blind-sided by his nemesis.  In Greek Tragedy it is almost always because of the main character’s “tragic flaw”, or character quality that eventually leads to his downfall. I suppose mine was my naivety, or worse, my confusing my work with my worth. I didn’t know I was doing this until I failed to please my client. I cried myself to sleep many nights wondering what I did wrong. I mean it hurt. I can feel my chest tightening even as I endeavor to write this blog.

It is  a very long story, but  one of the best lessons from it is that I cannot so closely identify myself with what I do. We as artists put our hearts into everything we do. It is who we are and how we operate. If you are one, you know it is true. And when something like this happens our biggest temptation is to become cynical and bitter. This only serves to close off the very places from which the art flows. Our spirits. Our hearts.

I love the Message Version of Psalm 37.  Specifically verses 7-9. I had written this out  in my journal the week before we left for the shoot in Charleston:

“Open up before God, keep nothing back;
he’ll do whatever needs to be done:
He’ll validate your life in the clear light of day
and stamp you with approval at high noon.

Quiet down before God,
be prayerful before him.
Don’t bother with those who climb the ladder,
who elbow their way to the top.”

This verse addresses so many of my performance tendencies:

• ” Open up…” I am rarely open when I am trying to prove myself. I am shut down tight like a turtle at a kids birthday party. Just trying to make it through.
• “he’ll do whatever needs to be done…” What? I thought this was about me?
• “He’ll validate your life in the clear light of day and stamp you with approval at high noon.” I think my soul just melted at that one. I can rest now. Yes, He will do it. It’s about Him.
• “Quiet down before God, be prayerful before Him.” Being still and keeping my relationship with God is my lifeline. Relationship with the only One who’s opinion matters. Yes. That is it.

One of my favorite things about this shoot is that Annie is wearing a dancer’s dress. A dress like we use for our worship team dancers at church. She is wearing a garment of praise. Literally. May I do the same. Everyday I shall try to lay down my own glory and take up the glory that was bought and paid for me by my God. That can never be taken away. My own glory  rots in my hands like yesterday’s manna.

For He came:

“To bestow on them a crown of beauty instead of ashes,

the oil of gladness instead of mourning,

and a garment of praise instead of a spirit of despair.”  ~ Isaiah 61:3

And now, Annie Sunshine.