Listening to the Right Voice

Here  it is. My prize. This is what I traded a glorious sunset for. A lamp. Oh how the metaphors are begging to be told even before I begin the tale!

I cried myself to sleep last night. So silly, I thought. But when I got up this morning and pondered the string of events that occurred the night before, not silly. No not at all.

Yesterday, around 3:30 or so, I looked at the sky and knew in my heart that there would be a beautiful sunset that night. Not just any sunset. A glorious one. I felt it so keenly that I tweeted it to the world. I was at a doctor appointment over an hour from my home, and hoped I would see it on my way back. And yet, my spirit was growing agitated. There was a store on that side of town that I wanted to visit, and I knew traffic would be bad at 4:00  so I planned to stop in there until the traffic receded. When I left the appointment, I saw the clouds gathering as if being pulled like a blanket into the horizon. More agitation. I got into my car and drove to the store. I kid you not, the whole way from the parking lot into the doors of the store I felt a tangible tug of war going on inside me. “Should I just drive to a higher place and see the sunset? I do have my camera with me.” “No, who knows if there really will be any fireworks, and besides, I need a new lamp, and I never get over here.” On and on it went. Even after I got inside while circling the lamps I found myself peering out the store windows. I finally gave up as it began to get dark outside, and continued my shopping, but the irritation would not go away.

It was about that time that Chris called and asked me to dinner. I felt frustrated, but agreed to fight the traffic, (which was still there), and meet him for a date. (He later told me he was staring into a beautiful sunset at work when he called me.) I put my lamp in the cart and checked out. I felt disappointed.

Before I got on the road  I checked my twitter account and saw that one of my sweet friends had read my tweet about a beautiful sunset and sent me an iphone snapshot of it. My heart sank. It was glorious! And on a phone photo! I began to cry. “Wow”, I thought to myself.” I am really tired or hormonal or just plain silly.” It seemed so trivial, but felt so profound.

Chris and I had fun laughing together over dinner, but as I left the restaurant, I felt the same sadness return. Again and again I dismissed it. Until I went to bed. I opened my computer and saw a much larger photo of what she had taken. The tears came again. Not the hard-cry tears. The soft, hot tears that slip down cheeks, with one not yet gone before another follows it’s trail. The tears of grief. I felt I had ignored the voice of my God. He had told me something. Just for me. He had given me a gift, and I had trivialized it. And now, it was gone. Forever. I was not grieving about missing the gift of the sunset at all, but for not listening to the voice of my Father. This hurt the worst of all. I had been asking, begging even, for Him to speak to me this week in particular. This is how He did it. I went my own way. I missed a sunset and bought a lamp instead. Ouch. May I never do it again. Never.

This chain of events, though seemingly insignificant, keenly divided the voices I heard inside of me. I had chosen the wrong one.

Voice A :  There will be a beautiful sunset tonight. Go and enjoy it. Find a place and soak it in. Photograph it if you wish.

Voice B :  (much more verbose) There may not even be a sunset tonight. Who says that is right? You might miss going to that store and you will get into traffic if you get back on the road. There are a million sunsets anyway! What if you wait for one and it doesn’t show up? Then what? Means you don’t know anything and you wasted your time. Just go get what you need.

Voice B will be shunned if possible from here on.

I have also learned some valuable lessons in this one event:

• Never forsake a sunset for a lamp. This pretty much says it. To think that I would forsake a piece of eternity and glory for a man-made light that I can plug into my controlled environment is ridiculous. And yet I have, and I did.
• Do it now! If you see the glory, the light and the beauty, chase it now! There will always be a world full of voices and agendas telling you to keep moving. Run to the highest point and find the shot!
• Listen You never know when the King of Glory will speak to you.

Thankfully, I am learning. Below are some images I captured last Saturday when Chris and I took a day to be together at Amicalola Falls State Park.  I tried to listen that day. I hope He will speak to me again soon.