I woke early today, on the morning of my 45th birthday. I had many things on my heart. I didn’t go to bed until nearly 3, and my eyes were wide open again at 6. I couldn’t sleep. I looked out the window and wondered when the sun would come up. Remembering it was my birthday, I immediately began to pray. Not the response I had as a kid. The weight of turning another year older hung over me. I prayed about change. Real change. I sought God for life and authentic relationship. I want my life to count. I want to deal out of a spirit that is content and full of the life of God. I don’t want to be frazzled all the time, wondering if I am getting it all right.
I recently happened upon a scripture that has been rolling around in my spirit like a marble. I can’t stop thinking about it. I underlined it in green in my worn black Bible.
“They have forsaken me, the spring of living water, and have dug their own cisterns, broken cisterns that cannot hold water”. Jeremiah 2:13
When I read those words I knew that I had done the same. Always trying to do it myself. Always trying to get it right, and be better. It is truly exhausting. Sometimes it is so bad that I don’t know whether I am coming or going. Working, working, working. Editing, scheduling, shooting, pleasing. Working. I desire more. And less. More of God, more margin. More life. Less striving. Less stress. Less proving.
Wikipedia describes a cistern as ” a receptacle for holding water”. Pretty straight forward. Different however, from a stream, defined as ” a body of water with a current”. A current that is always moving, always supplying oxygen to the living organisms in the water, always flushing out the toxins. A stream has a life force of it’s own and is always replenishing itself. Just like our God. He is enough at all times. For Himself and for us. Ah, yes the stream of living water. I want to be refreshed by it, buoyed up on it, and carried onto the path where my God would have me. All of this on the morning of my 45th year, and every morning here after. Leaving my cracked watering can behind.
Yes, I want this year to be different. I want to start today. To signify a fresh start, I decided to photograph the sunrise of the 45th year of my life. I chased the light. Isn’t that what all photographers do? Everything warms and glows, and comes alive in the light.
“The Lord is my light and my salvation, whom shall I fear?” ~ Psalm 21:1
I found the glory there.
7 Comments
Happy Birthday, sweet baby girl! I was 26 when you were born. When I was 4 1/2 months pregnant and had already felt you move about in my womb, I had an emergency appendectomy. The doctor said ” I am sorry, but you will lose the baby”. Your Dad was at a church meeting and I had to find someone to stay with the other children and someone else to take me to the hospital. I remember calling him and telling him that they were going to do surgery and that we were going to lose our baby. He could hardly understand me because I was crying so hard. I kept waiting for the time when I no longer had a baby inside of me. When I first stood up, I thought that you were going to come out through the incision. The incision was very long. About 6 or 7 inches. The appendix had moved because I was pregnant and the doctor had to keep cutting to find it. The doctor said that he guessed that this baby had decided she wanted to stay in the womb. Praise the Lord! I am so happy that you decided to be born. The Lord had great plans for you.
Thank you for such wonderful encouragement. I’m just a few yrs. ahead of you. But, I love that verse from Jeremiah. We must rely upon HIM for all things. We can’t do it on our own! I have enjoyed so much looking at your beautiful photos. Joining you in the Gratitude Community.
“He is enough at all times. For Himself and for us”…amen…and look at the beautiful sunrise gifts He gave you for your birthday! GOD is so Good.
Your thoughts are beautiful, your photos are beautiful. I’m a few years behind you, but I do know the feeling of trying to do it all myself, and coming up woefully short. Thanks for the thoughts tonight.
Be encouraged in the Father who loves us deeply. What a great gift dryness is when He uses it to bring us back to Himself.
A friend said to me the other day: ‘the Father scooped me up into His arms’.
Happy Birthday! I can’t imagine hearing the news your parents heard, but how wonderful that it all went well and you’re here today! 🙂
Best day in history