Let Him In
I am grateful for the prayers of God’s people. So many people have sent lovely notes expressing concern and prayers for me and my dad during this very difficult time. During my morning coffee as I readied for the drive to the hospital, I read another sweet email laced with love and scripture. Warm cup in my hands, leaning on the counter of my oldest and dearest friend, I felt it. My soul drew in a life-giving breath. I am not sure when I breathed last. Why? Fear? Control? Grief?
Yes.
Any athlete can tell you the importance of learning to breathe correctly. It is one of the first lessons in learning to endure. Air in, air out. Air in, air out. It is a skill that is necessary and yet it seems silly to have to learn such a thing. Surely we know how to breathe! Evidently not. I had to learn this just recently as I have begun to train as a runner for the first time in my life. Not just to remember to breathe, but how to take it in properly so my body can use it.
Evidently the spirit needs the same discipline. And permission. It’s okay to breathe. It’s okay to let go, and trust that God is in control. I breathe in his name again this morning and my shoulders release the weight one more time.
I cannot make my daddy well. My guilt and worry cannot heal him. I cannot stay in Virginia to make sure he gets every bite of food and that everyone is attentive to his needs. This I have to release to God. I have to learn where my part ends and God’s begins. And I have to pray to the one who knows exactly how many gray hairs rest on his head.
I have to breathe.
Psalm 62:5-8 ~”Yes, my soul, find rest in God; my hope comes from him; Truly he is my rock and my salvation; he is my fortress, I will not be shaken. My salvation and my honor depend on God; he is my mighty rock, my refuge. Trust in him at all times, you people; pour out your hearts to him, for God is our refuge.”
Streams of Life
3 Comments
So very true Mary Anne, yet so hard. Praying for you.
We miss you very much Mary Anne. We prayed for you and your daddy last night, and while we cannot understand all of the pain and suffering that we go through, God has PROMISED to never leave us or forsake us. Knowing he is near is comforting even in our darkest hour. I pray for rest for your soul, peace in your spirit, vibrancy in your countenance today and joy in your heart. I know your dad feels your presence even if he may not be able to acknowledge you, so be his little sunshine today. Be blessed and full of God’s favor, you are loved!
The Lord has given me a verse that I cling to now that I am advanced in age and need to know He is going to take care of me when others may not be able or available.
Isaiah 46:4 – “Even to your old age I AM He, and even to gray hairs I will carry you! I have made and I will bear; even I will carry and will deliver you.”
When my body continues to deteriorate and new scary ailments develop, I cling to this verse – and meditate on the fact that He’s got me and is paying attention to every tiny detail and carrying me. I love the last part – that He will “deliver” me. I like to think that means He’s there with me carrying me until He finally delivers me home safe and sound with Him. He’s got your dad, too, Mary Ann.