Shine
Dear Mama,
How I miss you. Did you see the lanterns we sent off for you that November night not long after you stepped into glory? Maybe not. Our lanterns must have been dimmed by the light of heaven. It was all we knew to do.
You were such a light.
My heart aches and echoes long into this chasm that is temporarily between us. Did you know that your love was the backdrop behind my world? I didn’t know it until you were gone. Everything I did that I thought was meaningful? I had hoped you would see it somehow. I loved making you proud. Your love made me feel special.
Remember how we used to go to Barnes and Noble and huddle up in the cafe to talk and eat cookies? I miss that. I miss you. I photographed your hands one time when we were there because they were so beautiful. They were one of my favorite things about you. How I wish I could hold them now. You were so expressive with your hands. You were so excited about life- about everything. Every new person you met was a long lost friend. You made everyone feel so special. We were drawn to your love and kindness.
How can you really be gone? My heart doesn’t understand.
Mom, I have gained 10 pounds since you left. I don’t sleep and yet I am so very tired. Grief stinks, Mom.
Janey has had a litter of new puppies and I know if you were here you would be snuggling them. How you loved the puppies. Last time she had a litter you came over and shined silver with me and danced in the kitchen to the song “Happy”. You wore a silver shirt and your face shone so brightly as you danced. It is emblazoned in my mind forever. Oh Mom, did you have to go so soon?
And yet it is wonderful to have been loved so deeply by someone like you. You shaped who I am with your love. You made me feel like there was nothing I couldn’t do. How could I fail with your love as the backdrop over every scene in my life? You were such a gift.
And so tonight, I send the lanterns off again. I send them off in my heart over and over again to say ” It’s okay, rest with Jesus”. I know you already know it’s okay — I am saying it to myself really. Be blessed in your early release. You have been released from the pain of this world and how you must dance now with Jesus. I will be so very glad to run into your arms one day. What a joyous day that will be.
I will rest tonight envisioning you dancing with our Lord. Now that’s a happy thought.
1 Corinthians 13:12,13 ~”
For now we see only a reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known. And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.”
Peace
6 Comments
Oh, Mary Anne. Grief is such a circuitous journey, filled with happy memories and sudden drops of the stomach. May you be blessed as you walk this hard road. There are no shortcuts. There just aren’t.
Good morning Maryanne,
I am in tears, blubbering tears,. My heart continues to break for you, still so fresh in passing. We are a kindred pair. I think it’s time I write my note. Thank you. Sweet blessings my friend.
You can’t help but be in tears over such a sweet heart as yours Maryanne. How precious and beautiful. Love you.
Stunning. That was written for all of us who are daughters loved by our moms. Thank you.
Like you I am blessed to have a wonderful mother and I weep as I read your laments over her home going . You have impacted my gratefulness for and behavior toward my Mom who is still living at 89. Since reading your story I am so much more thankful for and to her. I am so sad for your loss of your beloved Mother. Praise God this life is not the end of our stories.
This is so beautiful. I am so sorry for your loss, although as Christine says, I don’t believe its the end of the story you and your mother share, and one day you will hold her hand once more. Thank you for the light of your sorrow and love, and blessings to you.