Day 88 Fragile

See this little dandelion, half torn, half scattered? It can feel like this, walking through grief. It can be such a delicate, tenuous process.

In a moment I can be undone. My insides show through to the outside, revealing the brokenness within.

I admit I often try to fly above the pain. I don’t want to think about her gone. I push the memories of her last hours with us away. I forgive the hospital staff again for overlooking her condition and neglecting her. I forgive myself for not doing something about it. I hush my heart when it cries for her voice on the other end of the phone. Oh the ache.

Shhhhh, she’s gone.

But I can’t hush it away. I have to allow the winds of grief to come and blow through. My broken pieces cannot hold onto the stem any longer. And so I fall into the wind and I weep. It’s okay to cry you know? It’s okay to hurt. Love is worth the pain of a broken heart. My mama is worth every tear and my God bottles them, one by one. Yes, let the tears go.

Every tear is a seed that will someday bear the fruit of joy. Think of that. That is the stuff the kingdom of God is made of. Redemption.

Psalm 126:5,6 ~”Those who sow with tears will reap with songs of joy. Those who go out weeping, carrying seed to sow, will return with songs of joy, carrying sheaves with them.”