Day 33 Bonfire

It has been an eventful week at our house. We have been tearing out our old flooring to prepare for the new wood floors that we have wanted for so long. Last night we finally burned the old flooring in a huge bonfire. I was amazed at how the fire lit up the deepest part of the woods.

There is something very powerful about gathering the dross in our lives and laying it down to be burned.

I see God in the fire. He comes to take on himself our old and ugly to help us find a clean slate. In the Old Testament he was in the fire that consumed the sacrifices they brought for their sins. He was the fire that lead them by night through the desert. He lights up the darkest places so that we do not have to hide or be afraid. He is both holy and compassionate. He is to be feared and yet he loves us like no other.

Last night I had a panic attack. I have not had one of these in awhile, but they most often accompany grief for me. My mom was with me when I had my first one 9 years ago when I lost my baby. She held my hand and slept beside me in the hospital bed as I sobbed. She cried with me. I will never forget that. Bringing things to the fire means surrendering over and over again. It is a baring of my soul to God again. I often try to busy myself and forget my desperate need for him. I try to tell myself that I am not hurting that badly. But the pressure continues to build.

And so I drag my pain down to the altar. I carry my self-sufficiency and I set it ablaze. I cannot do this alone. I desperately need God.

As for the new floors? They are going in this week and I am so happy. I am grateful for this process as difficult as it is. He is always teaching me- leading me through. His amazing goodness is with me daily.

Hebrews 12:28,29 ~”Do you see what we’ve got? An unshakable kingdom! And do you see how thankful we must be? Not only thankful, but brimming with worship, deeply reverent before God. For God is not an indifferent bystander. He’s actively cleaning house, torching all that needs to burn, and he won’t quit until it’s all cleansed. God himself is Fire!” (The Message)