Day 19 Cooking Therapy

I have a new passion for baking bread. I have never baked bread before but Chris bought me a grain mill for Christmas and now I am grinding wheat into fresh flour and making bread. It is so therapeutic. There is something amazing about making a mess in my kitchen and the smell of bread baking in the oven. If comfort could be embodied in a smell, I think it would be the smell of freshly baked bread.

Cooking (not just bread) has become a beautiful way for me to work through my grief. I cannot explain why it is so healing for me, but it is. Maybe it is the feeling of creating something that is nurturing to both the body and the soul. Or maybe it is the sweet sense of taking care of my family. It takes time and planning and patience, but these are all things I need right now. I desperately need the slowness that cooking creates. The measuring and mixing, the molding and waiting- it is the process of baking that feels so grounding. And then there is the payoff when my husband walks in the door and says “fresh bread”!

To be honest, since I lost my mom I have not felt very productive. Grief can make you feel like you are spinning your wheels.  I was thrown off the kaleidoscope horse on the merry-go-round and now I cannot seem to get back on. I am pretty sure I don’t want to ride the same ride anymore anyway. Cooking is a way find a slower rhythm that I can manage. The mixer whirls, the timer dings, the sink fills with doughy bowls. I can do that pace.

And then there is the bread.

Let’s just take this one day at a time. For those of you who are grieving, I am so sorry for your pain. I do know this- God is with you. God is with me. He does not change and we can count on him.

Breathe, pray, cook, sing, dance. He is good. He is God.

Psalm 145:9 ~”The Lord is good to all; he has compassion on all he has made.”