Project 365 Day 94: Pure Grace

Pure Grace

Canon 5D Mark ll. 50 1.2L, 1.6 aperture, 1/200 shutter, 125 ISO

I remember it like it was yesterday, that walk in the woods, the whispered prayers. My heart was beating out of my chest. I was almost certain God had just spoken to me. I was 21.

I had been married just over a month and Chris was away on a youth retreat, singing with my brother-in-law, Mickey. It was the only income we had at the time. I was hoping to finish college after we got settled in Georgia and he was attending school to get his Masters of Divinity.  We were living on love and the grace of God. On this particular night, I was lonely and restless. Our little apartment felt stuffy so I went out to some nearby woods to pray.

I don’t remember much about what I said to God that night. I do, however, remember what I felt like He said to me. It wasn’t an audible voice — just a sense of something being spoken inside me. It definitely wasn’t my own voice. I couldn’t have come up with this information. He said that I was pregnant, and with a girl. I was bewildered. Did I hear that right? As I stated before, I had only been married about 5 weeks. We had been trying not to have any babies yet. God had never spoken to me like that before, so specifically and clearly.

My walk ended abruptly as I practically sprinted home to write it down in my journal. Not surprisingly, I was unnerved, but also strangely at peace. I told no one. Not even Chris. I kept the secret like a treasure — just for a little while.

I did write my unborn daughter a poem – a short letter from her mother in the making. I still have it. I pulled it out tonight to share.

And so you shall measure my years with your life,

and because you are, I will never be the same.

I am frightened, and yet to you I will be the bravest of all.

My flaws are innumerable, but in your eyes, none shall compare.

Oh, little one, how else should it be?

You, born out of the tenderness of our love

shall make our lives complete.

and to Chris I wrote

Not only me. Not only you. But with the help of our Father, one made from two.  ~  August 1, 1987

On August the 13th, the home pregnancy test confirmed the first part of what God had told me. On April 21, 1988 we found out the second part was true as we held our firstborn Katherine Anne in our arms. Katherine Anne means pure grace. That is what God was showing me that night in the woods as I prayed. It was what He has done for us by giving us Katie – on his schedule and not ours. And Katie is the picture of grace, in all she does, and who she is. When she dances – when she laughs – and when she sings in worship to the One who is now her God too. More grace!

Always Dancing

Mother and Daughter Skippies

Love Tap

Poetry

She Walks in Beauty

Urban Flower

2 Timothy 1:9 ~”He has saved us and called us to a holy life—not because of anything we have done but because of his own purpose and grace. This grace was given us in Christ Jesus before the beginning of time”.