365 Project Day 99: Do You Feel Beautiful?

Looking at Him

Canon 5D Mark ll, 24-70  2.8L, 2.8 aperture, 1/250 shutter, 100 ISO. Camera set on tripod using self timer.

I am not sure why I ventured into these vulnerable waters for this blog, or why I spent over an hour with a self timer on a tripod trying to capture photos of myself. It just felt important. And difficult. If Chris had not come outside to cheer me on, I probably would have quit.

I don’t like to be in front of the camera. At all. I have always shied away from it. So ironic that now I spend a lot of my time focusing on others through my lens. Maybe it is my compassion for that vulnerability that connects me to them. I want my clients to feel amazing. I want to see them laugh and catch their faraway pensive expressions. I want them to feel beautiful, like I rarely have. It is vitally important. I talk to them often during our shoots and watch them come alive under gentle encouragement.

I really don’t understand how I can see such exquisite beauty in others, but wince when I look at my own reflection. There is something not quite right about that. Hypocritical, even.  I do know that I am not alone.  A focus on perfection is a cultural cancer that is eating away at the  self esteem  and souls of (mostly) women young and old. We all want to be beautiful, but we are told what that looks like over and over again through the media, and this beauty is largely unattainable.  The stunning lovelies we often see in magazines often have eating disorders or eat very little to attain that wistfully carefree but thin look. Some of the magazines even go as far to portray their models as half staved zombies with dark circles under their eyes. I don’t get it.

The point is this. We have been fed lies our whole lives, and it is time to move this train in a positive direction. This is my step. Photographing myself was difficult, but so good for me. I was able to laugh at myself and wince a little less every time my screen revealed the images one by one.

I  do know this. My husband thinks I am beautiful. This is so good for my heart. In fact, the best expressions I had today were when he was looking at me and saying.” Let the sunshine out, Sunshine”. I am so blessed. And, best of all, God thinks I am beautiful. I am His handiwork! He feels the same about you. Everything about you. It is His voice alone that can put this angst to rest. The voice of your creator. Ask Him if He thinks you are beautiful, if you dare.  I believe He will answer you, and His answer will set you free.

It’s time to put your red skippies on and shine, Sunshine.

We are all waiting to see the beauty.

Psalm 139:14 ~ “I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well.”

Shine on Skippy Girl

Joy In Just Being Me

At Rest