365 Project Day 87: Letting Off Some Steam

Canon 5D Mark ll, 100mm 2.8 macro, 2.8 aperture, 1/125 shutter speed, 100 ISO, Alien B800 with 30 degree grid behind kettle at 1/8 power for silhouette effect and to light steam. Unlit soft box in foreground bouncing light.

Today was just one of “those” days. You know what I mean. Difficult. The pressure was so intense at times I either had to laugh or cry and did both simultaneously on one occasion, which may have frightened Katie a bit. She called me the “Mad Hatter”. Hmmm.

Last week Katie’s car up and died. Who could blame it really, with over 250,00 miles on it. It was tired. This threatened our already nearly-empty bank account. Then there was Johnny’s birthday party, for which I cooked chili, to keep costs as low as possible. We were holding our ground and each other, believing and hoping for a miracle. Breathing.

This morning Chris’s car rolled over, claiming substantial illness. I could hear the discouragement in his voice when he called me to tell me Triple A was on their way to tow it to the mechanic. My heart also hit the floor. “Good grief”, I said. After which I prayed, “help…”. I felt angry, but why? Like I am entitled to having everything be okay all the time. I rode the pendulum back and forth nearly all day as it swung violently back and forth between,” Yes, I believe God will take care of us” and ” how I am going to fix this?” Exhausting.

It wasn’t hard to envision what to shoot today. This is a picture of me. The pressure escaping through prayer. I finally had to admit that I could not handle it all, and that God already knew my heart.  My conversation with Him changed as the day went on.” I know You know I am angry,” I confessed, ” even though I know I have no right to be. Please help me to be grateful and release this sense of entitlement. I cannot trust You in my own strength. Everything good in my life comes from You. Even my belief in You.”

Sometimes the answer is not to dig deeper, to try harder. Most of the time, grace is the answer. I cannot do this on my own.  Thank God for grace.

What do you need to let go of today?

Ephesians 2:8,9 ~”For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith—and this is not from yourselves, it is the gift of God— not by works, so that no one can boast.”