Bokeh Melodies
Canon 5D Mark ll, 50 1.2L, 1.2 aperture, 1/40 shutter speed, 500 ISO
Everyone has gone to bed. The house is quiet as I walk into the room where our Christmas tree still stands with all her lights shining. My chest tightens as I feel the weight of an ending coming into view. I begin to weep. I am not ready. I brush the soft needles of the frasier fir with my fingertips, as tears smear the lights into a dreamy blur.
It’s not the tree, I know this. It’s what it represents. Time moves on. Things come to an end. I reach up and touch Katie’s ballet slipper ornament. Each one holds a memory, each put on by the hands of those I love most.
I want to hold it somehow, but I can’t. Ornaments have to be put away. Children have to pack their bags and go back to school. Just when I got used to the laughter, the singing, the clinking of dishes in the kitchen and the slam of the mudroom door. I will miss the chatter upstairs of sisters sharing stories, and songs being written on the sofa in the light of this tree.
I am not ready for this ending. Tomorrow we will pack up decorations and discuss plans for a new season. I will write my last post on this 365 project. Time to move forward. I let the remaining tears I have been unknowingly storing up fall onto flannel pajamas and open hands.
I turn off the switch and the tree fades into the darkness. It is time to be brave and trust the One who turns the seasons with His gentle and strong hands.
For what are endings except the edges of new beginnings?
Psalm 33:20-22 ~”We wait in hope for the LORD; he is our help and our shield. In him our hearts rejoice, for we trust in his holy name. May your unfailing love be with us, LORD, even as we put our hope in you.”
4 Comments
love that truth: For what are endings except the edges of new beginnings?
To new beginnings with Him! Welcoming 2012!
On a selfish note, I’ve been dreading the recent countdown to 365.
You’ll never know the impact your blog has had on me daily.
I am forever grateful.
Your camera sees what my eyes can not.
Your words express what I feel, but can not say.
You have provided inspiration, blessings, and beauty.
Thank you, with love.
I’ve decided I’ll just have to go back and start reading from the beginning since I missed so much of this due to my late discovery. Your efforts here have been a wonderful respite and inspiration for so many! Thank you!
Congratulations!!! Thanks for a year of touching stories about things big and small and for sharing intimate parts of your life with us. =)
To be honest, I must say that I don’t go to your blog as often as i would like, just because I know that I’ll be so touched I’ll often cry after reading you blog, or wish how I could be like you.
Indeed your words and your images have such tremendous power to touch the heart and bring us back to God. Thank you for your year of blessings! =)
If you remember me from a while back, I am likely to be embarking on a new journey in my life too. Might be travelling for a year so if I do, I’ll definitely set up my blog and hopefully share my year of God’s blessings. I’ll leave a link then…. =)
Thanks again for everything!