365 Project Day 255: The Friendships of Women

Canon 5D Mark ll, 50 1.2L, 3.2 aperture, 1/125 shutter, 100 ISO

Complex, fragile, comforting, enduring, frightening, vulnerable. All of these can describe the friendships of women. Women are relational creatures by nature. God made us that way. We are always seeking, creating, nurturing, and when things go badly, sometimes fearing relationships.

But, oh how we need one another! I am always amazed how refreshed and open I feel after chatting and laughing the afternoon away with other women. We just understand each other. Laughter and heart exchanges with other women help to cleanse our palette and right-size our perspective. That is what sells romantic comedies so well. It isn’t always the romantic relationship that makes us swoon. We adore the friendship of the leading lady and her best friend.  We cheer when the best friend sizes up difficult situations and puts everything in perspective with a quipping reply or encouraging word. We sigh when they share secrets or tears. We love friendships, especially the authentic and enduring kind.

So why are they often difficult to cultivate? Are we too busy with our own lives that we don’t take time to invest in them? Or are we just afraid that we will not be accepted or loved? It starts in the early years, as we move from jumping rope and singing songs to eyeing one another from separate circles. We wonder if we fit in. Maybe our shoes aren’t in style, or our bodies are not shaped right. We forget about giving our hearts to others and start to protect them instead. We inadvertently trap ourselves in by building walls that are meant to keep others out.

All we need is a friend.

Someone to look us in the eyes when we speak. Someone who unflinchingly smiles as we share our deepest secrets, and madly applauds when we finally shine. Someone who believes in us, and loves us enough to tell us the truth, even when it hurts. A friend will tell you when you have spinach in your teeth, or when you leave the house with your shirt on backwards. She will also defend you to others and pray for you when your heart shatters.

Whatever the reasons are that keep us apart, I believe with all my heart that friendship is worth fighting for. It is an intentional act to be a friend and also to allow someone to be yours. It takes a willingness to open our hearts, to allow someone in. It takes our time. Time when we could otherwise be “getting things done.” It means writing notes, having coffee, chatting on the phone, going to the movies or the mountains, slowly trusting and sharing secrets, and forgiving when we are hurt. We must be wiling to say, “hey, I am hurting” and also ” please forgive me,” as we allow our feelings and hearts to be revealed. These are the gleaming strands of friendship. Yes, it often feels scary to be so vulnerable and open. But if you will continue in these things, in time you will weave something rare and lovely, and you will have found a friend.

Proverbs 17:17 ~ “A friend loves at all times…”

Proverbs 27:9 ~ “Perfume and incense bring joy to the heart, and the pleasantness of a friend springs from their heartfelt advice.”