365 Project Day 163: At the End of the Day

Canon 5D Mark ll, 50 mm 1.2L, 10.0 aperture, 1/60 shutter, 200 ISO

My husband is known for this phrase around our house. ” But at the end of the day…”. We all love him for it. He is really trying to bring everything into focus. And he often does. It’s all about perspective, really. Sometimes perspective is everything, and a lot of the time I cannot trust my own.

Tonight, as I walked out onto my porch, I saw the last of the sun’s rays stretching across my sister’s pasture. They were beaming in like a beacon, orange and focused on the tips of the fescue. I began to walk in that direction, hoping to see a beautiful sunset. I could not see the skyline from my house, only the warm haze over the earth. Soon I was at a slow jog, not really dressed properly to meet someone on the street. My shoes, only meant for the garden, sported ventilation for both my big toes. I wore my exercise capris, (not so appealing) and a tank. I only cared a little about these things as my eyes strained to see the last of the sun for the day. Alas, she was gone, but she had begun her goodnight aria from behind a clasp of clouds. I was enthralled, and began to sprint, my camera slinging back and forth across my back, to get to a place where there were no houses blocking the view. I got this one shot before she sang her last few notes. I let out a sigh, as my dogs circled round wondering what we were chasing. “Just the sun”, I answered them. “Just the sun.”.

I began to walk and pray, under the now pink and orange glow the sun had left behind. This project was heavy on my mind and heart.  “I do not want this project to feel like a chain around my neck,” I told the Father. I felt His answer before I began my next statement/question. “It isn’t the project,” I felt Him say. “There is something in you that is binding you. The project only shines the light on it. I want to set you free from it.” Of course these were not audible words, but I do feel like He was saying these things to me. I don’t really know what that “something” is exactly. Maybe it is the need to perform well to feel loved. Maybe it is about how hard I am on myself. Maybe it is those things and more. I do know this. Whatever it is, I want Him to set me free and make me completely whole, and I believe He will. It is easy to blame the hard things in my life when I don’t like how I am feeling. I often look to my circumstances to find the source of my grief. The truth is, the pain is usually originating from some place inside. That’s a hard pill to swallow, but I have a better chance at growing and finding freedom if I will choose to do so.

When I turned to walk home, I saw the moon rising. Stunning, beautiful moon. Just when something wonderful was ending, something completely amazing was beginning.

I can see that now. At the end of the day.

Psalm 19:7,8 ~ “The law of the LORD is perfect, refreshing the soul. The statutes of the LORD are trustworthy, making wise the simple. The precepts of the LORD are right, giving joy to the heart. The commands of the LORD are radiant, giving light to the eyes.”

Moon Rising